The silver lining to the ugly Kavanaugh-Ford hearing

Brett Kavanaugh and Christine Blasey Ford agree on at least one thing.

It’s terribly wrong when two men and a woman, inebriated in a locked room at a house party, engage in sex acts without consent by all involved.

Whether that actually happened depends on who you believe.

Either way, neither defends that as appropriate behavior.

This is the silver lining in the ugly nomination process for U.S. Supreme Court nominee Kavanaugh and his “(I) believed he was going to rape me” accuser, Ford.

The sexual revolution in this country has gone too far.

Kavanaugh and Ford agree on that.

No boundaries

A man should not touch a woman’s private parts unless both have rings on their fingers and both consent to it.

Anything looser than that, and we’ve begun traveling a slippery slope from “he made me uncomfortable” to “he raped me.”

That’s why we need boundaries. We must talk with each other, and to listen to each other intimately.

Men and women are wired to desire each other. That’s in our nature, the way we were created.

When done right, physical touch is beautiful in every sense of that word.

When done wrong, we get Kavanaugh-Ford scenarios. And worse.

Who decides what’s “right” and “wrong” in today’s anything-goes society?

Young boys are by nature aggressive, touching, tasting and learning. Where are the parents to teach them boundaries, especially where young girls are concerned?

What are the boundaries, anyway?

This is the question no one is asking.

Loose morals vs. strict morals

We know what’s wrong when it happens, when a girl or woman feels uncomfortable or says no. Can we not learn from the mistakes of others and prevent harassment from happening in the first place?

No, we can’t, because we do not know what the boundaries are.

Your values are different than mine are. This is not a male vs. female question. This is “loose morals” vs. “strict morals.”

kavanaugh

If Kavanaugh and Ford attended the same party, either they were friends or they had mutual friends, which means Kavanaugh and Ford likely had similar moral values at the time.

If that locked-room incident happened, Kavanaugh crossed a moral line. But he (and Ford) crossed an earlier moral line by getting drunk first.

Why didn’t their parents prepare them for such scenarios by giving them a moral leg to stand on? (Parents do have the authority to tell their teenager he or she can’t go to a certain party. And parents should know who their friends are. That’s what good parents do.)

Second chances

Here’s another thing we don’t understand in this country: second chances.

If we are looking for perfect people to rule on the Supreme Court, we’ll never find them. If we’re looking for the perfect spouse or lover, we’ll never find that person, either.

Let’s assume that Kavanaugh is guilty of the harassment he’s being accused of 40 years ago. My question to him then is: Have you learned anything from that? Do you still do such things?

He’s married with two daughters. Has he earned their trust?

If he has, I have a question for you:

Does that count for anything?

I attended my school’s ninth-grade dinner dance, and never dated after that in high school. I wasn’t ready for relationship then; I was too naïve and immature, and I knew it.

I’ve had only one girlfriend, and I married her.

I haven’t left bits and pieces of myself with other women. For those of you who have: Could that come back to haunt you someday in the form of a harassment charge?

I’m not saying I’m completely innocent. Every man who’s ever lived, including me, has looked at a woman with desire.  Have I ever made someone uncomfortable? No one has told me so, but if I ever ran for public office, I might find out otherwise.

That’s the culture we live in today.

Innocence lost

Where is the innocence of life? Even our children lose this far too young.

 

“Shoot all the bluejays you want, if you can hit ’em, but remember, it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.”

That was the only time I ever heard Atticus say it was a sin to do something, and I asked Miss Maudie about it.

“Your father’s right,” she said. “Mockingbirds don’t do one thing but make music for us to enjoy. They don’t eat up people’s gardens, don’t nest in corncribs, they don’t do one thing but sing their hearts out for us. That’s why it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird.”

Page 90, To Kill A Mockingbird, copyright 1960 by Harper Lee

 

Where are the mockingbirds today? Harper Lee wrote that in 1960, the year I was born. In the book, a mockingbird was killed, figuratively speaking.

We are still killing them today.

Are there any mockingbirds left?

Where is joy in life, pure joy, just the feeling of happiness to be alive? Who has it?

Anyone?

Are there still one or two mockingbirds hiding somewhere, just waiting to come out?

Too often we hurt each other, not just in harassment cases but in other ways too. A harsh word. Selfishness. Anger. Theft.

No boundaries. No rules. Little compassion. No respect.

And we wonder why abuse happens.

We’re looking for love in all the wrong places.

Innocence found?

The right place is a man and a woman who give each other a ring.

We’ve looked for love in many other places since time began, and we’ve never improved upon the most time-honored team ever formed.

This is the lesson from Kavanaugh and Ford.

Neither of them learned that as teenagers, apparently.

Both of them are paying a very heavy price because no one taught them to respect the opposite sex, and as a result to wait until marriage for physical expression.

Perhaps we’re turning this corner as a nation.

If we finally realize the promiscuity of 21st century America has gone too far, then maybe we’ll learn how to get along with each other again.

Let the mockingbird sing.

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Heroes are hard to find

hero

1aa mythological or legendary figure often of divine descent endowed with great strength or ability

ban illustrious warrior

ca person admired for achievements and noble qualities

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hero

 

Using 1c as the definition for a real (as opposed to mythological or legendary) hero, who are your heroes? Who do you admire for achievements and noble qualities?

Do you aspire to become like him or her, or them?

I don’t have any heroes. Never have.

Perhaps that’s my cynical journalistic attitude showing forth. Perhaps it’s my Christian faith taking center stage.

Probably both.

Easy to find flaws

No one is perfect. Everyone is flawed. (I know my own flaws very well, at least most of them, so I’m not pointing any fingers outward that aren’t pointing even sharper at myself.)

It’s easy in today’s America to focus on flaws and not on “achievements and noble qualities.”

  • President Trump has plenty of both, depending who you ask, and a thick skin required of all presidents to push his agenda despite opposition.
  • Pick an athlete who is a role model, any athlete in any sport, and it’s not hard to find skeletons in his or her closet. Same with actors and actresses, or anyone else in the entertainment industry. And musicians. And politicians. And church leaders. And … Sigh.
  • Bill Cosby had a wonderful career, but his reputation is now destroyed. Bill Hybels, a respected evangelical leader in the Chicago area for decades, just had his reputation tainted by charges of sexual harassment. (What is it with men named Bill? Not a good trend.)

No one is immune.

If I were to become a high-profile public figure for some reason, you’d find a skeleton in my closet too. Real or imagined. Perhaps real to you, but not to me. (Just ask the current U.S. Supreme Court nominee; I won’t be surprised if this is the end result.)

I aspire to be like …

Who is worthy of hero status?

Anyone?

It’s politically correct these days to revere U.S. military veterans as heroes. We give them standing ovations all the time.

Do we emulate them? Or, do we clap politely and then forget about them as we move on with our daily lives?

Many active-duty personnel find themselves in harm’s way across the world, and for that we do thank them, very sincerely. Back home, their families move every few years, meaning the spouses and children don’t get much of a chance to gain deep friendships and connect with the community where they live. Military families know this going in, but still it’s hard and the divorce rate is very high.

That’s not a lifestyle most of us aspire to.

This time of year, we cheer on our favorite football teams on Saturdays (college) and Sundays (professional). We cheer raucously when our team does well, and boo lustily when our team plays poorly.

Sometimes we do both in the same game.

The latest hero here in Cleveland is Baker Mayfield, who led the Browns to their first victory since December 2016. We see him as the franchise’s savior.

Until he has a bad stretch, when we will run him out of town and seek another quarterback to latch on to with unrealistic expectations.

That’s how we treat our heroes.

Don’t treat me like that

Not only do I not have any heroes like that, I don’t want to be one. Just leave me alone.

But life doesn’t work that way, does it?

Every one of us is being watched and evaluated. No exceptions.

Parents are heroes to their young children.

Our co-workers are eyeing us, with admiration or disgust, or with something in between. We are watching them too.

We evaluate teachers, police officers, other drivers on the road, those with an opinion on social media, the waitress at our favorite restaurant …

Who can pass such an inspection?

Anyone?

It starts with respect. I write about this all the time.

 

respect

transitive verb

1ato consider worthy of high regard: esteem

bto refrain from interfering with: please respect their privacy

2to have reference to: concern

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/respect

 

Heroes are outsiders we emulate. Respect most often is given to people we know personally who earn it. We rarely respect public figures. And if we do, we easily take it away. See Bill Cosby.

It takes time to earn respect, and to give it. Most of us aren’t willing to spend that time.

Instead, we judge who and what we don’t know well. We have surface knowledge, so we think we’re experts.

We don’t know what we don’t know.

Even worse, we don’t care.

Two sides to every story

Instead of emulating possible heroes, we judge them and put them down, trying to elevate ourselves above them and failing miserably. We don’t respect anyone.

I’ll ask again: Who do you aspire to be like?

Who are your heroes?

If I said Jesus, you’d probably laugh. Because you likely have no idea who the real Jesus is.

The Jesus of the Bible isn’t anything like the vast majority of Christians portray Him. Many people reject Jesus for that reason. Instead of searching for the real Jesus, we assume we know, just like we assume we know all the facts about Judge Cavanaugh before any hearings or investigations have taken place.

Our pre-conceived notions prevent us from uncovering truth.

The real Jesus was not a white man with blond hair and a soft complexion who always voted Republican. He was crucified, which means he angered some people enough that they killed him. And he was Middle Eastern.

Do we know that? Do we care? Or do we judge Him based on what others say about Him, instead of doing our own research?

Is Jesus a worthy hero?

Do I really aspire to be crucified? Am I willing to defend truth that far?

Is LeBron James a worthy hero? To the children in Akron whom he’s promised a free college education, yes. To many Cavaliers fans, he was a hero but no longer is because he’s taken his talents to Los Angeles.

As with anyone, there’s two sides. Depends who you ask.

Many people have hero-like qualities, but a true hero?

I’m still searching.

There’s just enough truth in nearly every viewpoint to make all of us dangerous

How do you think your religion is perceived by others who are not part of the faith?

A friend needed a few people to answer a 10-question survey for a community college religion course she is taking this fall. I figured, why not, I’ll give it a shot. I wondered what direction a “religion” survey would go.

Religion

Question 1: What does religion mean to you?

My response: Religion is a generic term for any belief in God or a higher power. It might be personal, or it might not be.

Question 2: Is there a difference between faith, religion and spirituality?

My answer: “Faith” is my personal belief in God, who is unseen, but who affects my life deeply. “Spirituality” is a hot-button term that means different things to different people. Spirituality includes the supernatural, which may or may not include God.

How am I doing so far? Would you agree?

I have no idea how other people answered these questions, nor does that concern me, because I’m not the one taking the religion class.

“Faith” is something my “religion” talks about often. “Spirituality” is one of those words I try to avoid, because I may try to connect spirituality to my faith, but you may connect spirituality with something else completely. Like the paranormal. Or astrology. Or a different religion. Or crystals. Or New Age thinking. Or palm reading. Or …

Perceptions

Question 9 is the one at the top of this column. Those of you who have a different faith, or no faith at all: How do you perceive Christianity, which is the “faith” I live by?

I tried to put myself in your shoes. Here’s what I came up with:

Many people equate Christianity with a judgmental Republican viewpoint, since some vocal Christians promote that. It’s hard, because the God of the Bible is not like that. Others see it as a list of do’s and don’t’s and are afraid they’ll have to give up fun things if they “convert.”

A judgmental Republican viewpoint. I actually wrote that.

I had a discussion earlier this week with another friend over the immigration issue. He’s a staunch supporter of President Trump, and vociferously defended his keep-the-illegal-immigrants-out policy that Trump advocates.

I responded that while I support most of Trump’s positions, I see immigrants as real people. Most illegal immigrants are fleeing for their lives, literally, I said, and the citizenship process is long and cumbersome. That’s the real issue, I argued. Let’s make it easier to become a U.S. citizen.

My friend didn’t buy that argument. He said for the first time ever, immigration laws are being enforced.

Both of us have a deep faith in Jesus Christ. How can we hold opposing views on such a vital issue?

Many of my more liberal friends also support immigrants, legal and illegal, going so far as to encourage sanctuary cities and support churches that are willing to host illegals to protect them from deportation.

Jesus did not take a stand on such issues. He was not a politician. The people of his day, like many people today, wish he was political. That’s why they shouted “Hosanna!” on Palm Sunday. Hosanna is a political term. The crowds were looking for a “savior” to overthrow the oppressive Roman government.

As soon as the crowds realized Jesus wasn’t going to do that – he had a different, much higher, purpose in mind – they abandoned him. And crucified him, almost immediately.

While Republican values generally are more in line with the Bible than Democratic values are, the lines are not that clear. There are exceptions, both ways.

Immigration, in my opinion, is one of them.

Neither side is willing to reason with the other on this, or any, issue.

So we get a judgmental Republican (or Democratic) viewpoint.

Reality

Question 4: What appeals to you about your religion?

It gives meaning to my life. The God of the Bible wants the best for me and for all humankind. No other religion’s leader can claim that.

This is why I struggle with politics. Trump said this week that the published death toll of nearly 3,000 from last year’s hurricane Maria in Puerto Rico was not even close. He said Democrats were trying to make him look bad.

Trump cares only about his reputation. Puerto Ricans are pawns to him. “Nobody is singing his praises because we all saw what happened,” San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz told The Associated Press.

GOP activists blame the media for distorting Trump’s record. But The AP is about as impartial as media get.

If you reject published reports and photos of the devastation, then there’s nothing anyone can say to you. Information has never been more widely disseminated. If we pick and choose what to “believe” (the drugstore tabloids don’t count, but that’s my opinion), then we are choosing our own reality, instead of trying to understand what’s truly going on in the world and responding accordingly.

Jesus did not have this attitude at all. Instead, he defended the outcast every time: the Samaritan woman at the well, lepers and other physically sick people, the prodigal’s son, a woman who gave her last penny in taxes, even a demon-possessed caveman. And many others.

I wish Americans thought and acted like that. Many do, often outside the political landscape.

Benefits

Question 8: What benefits to society do you think your religion or religion in general presents?

When lived correctly, Christianity accepts all people. That doesn’t mean Christians agree with other faiths or viewpoints, but we “love the sinner, hate the sin.” That’s a real thing. We promote family values, which overcomes drug abuse, teen sex/abortion, addictions, hate/anger, etc. – ie, looking for love in all the wrong places.

There’s just enough truth in nearly every viewpoint to make all of us dangerous. It’s easy to twist “truth” to fit our own agendas.

The church I attend has a three-point mission statement: Love God, love people, live surrendered. We spend the most time talking about the last point. What does surrendering to God and the Bible look like?

Each of us will answer that question differently. But each of us must surrender to God. Not my will, but yours be done, on Earth as it is in heaven, according to the Lord’s prayer.

That’s the key. Not the Republican way. Not the Democratic way.

God’s way.

The God of the Bible’s way.

That’s what faith means to me.

Beauty and power, in all forms

Early-afternoon thunderstorms frequently pop up in the Rocky Mountains, they said.

Last year when we visited our middle son in the Denver area, we drove up – literally, up – to the Alpine Visitors Center in Rocky Mountain National Park first thing in the morning. After a respite there at nearly 12,000 feet above sea level, we started down the mountain, and heard a thunderstorm up there. We never saw rain, but we knew the mountaintop got it.

We weren’t so lucky this year.

There are several roads to reach the Alpine Visitors Center. A year ago we took the narrow Old Fall River Road. This time we went through Grand Lake.

Grand Lake, population 495, has a pretty waterfall that’s a popular tourist destination. As we returned to our rental car from the waterfall around lunchtime, we heard the obligatory thunder.

grand lake storm 3

We watched the storm roll in. Grand Lake didn’t get the worst of it – more on that in a minute. But Grand Lake did get hail. We watched it bounce off the roof of our rental car.

grand lake storm 4 (hail)

That’s not unusual, several locals told us.

The storm

 

After the rain and hail stopped, we continued into the mountains. We drove past a visitors center to the Rocky Mountain National Park entrance, where we would begin the Trail Ridge Road drive up to the Alpine Visitors Center, almost 4,000 feet higher than Grand Lake.

But wait. We saw a “road closed” sign.

The park employee at the entrance booth told us the storm caused accidents on Trail Ridge Road, so the park closed the road for cleanup and to ensure that it was safe for passage. He gave us no details on when the road might reopen.

We turned around and poked into the visitor’s center. A parks employee there was on the phone seeking details. None were forthcoming. “The road might reopen later this afternoon or it might be tomorrow morning,” he said. “You might want to wait a couple of hours and check back.” He gave us a phone number for recorded road updates.

After watching a 23-minute film about the park, my wife, son and I retreated to our rental car, where we played several card games while we decided what to do. We called the number a couple of times.

Finally, after nearly two hours there, the road opened. We learned that a motorcyclist lost control in the rain and sleet, but he was not seriously injured. Once the wreck was cleaned up, park officials waited until the weather cleared to reopen the road.

alpine visitors center rainbow

 

We were glad we waited.

Once we reached the Alpine Visitors Center, we saw a rainbow between the mountains below us.

The drive down the other side of the mountain to Estes Park was beautiful. At one point, we saw a little snow on the side of the road.

When we reached our motel in Estes Park, we saw air dryers on full blast in the lobby. Rain from the storm had flooded it.

We left humid 90-degree weather in northeast Ohio to make this trip. After the storm, the temperature dropped to about 40, with little humidity.

As we left Estes Park the next morning, we stopped at a miniature golf course we enjoyed last year. It was closed this time – due to a lightning strike from the storm.

The storm came up fast and didn’t last long, but packed a powerful punch.

Since this was the third year in a row we’d visited the Denver area, we didn’t do as much sightseeing this time. We hung out with our son and played board and card games. We took the one overnight into Rocky Mountain National Park and Estes Park.

Baseball

rockies2

On Labor Day, we attended a Colorado Rockies baseball game against the San Francisco Giants. The Rockies are in the midst of a heated playoff race, so we thought we’d see a good game.

We did. In the first inning, the first four Rockies scored – single, home run, double, home run. We saw six home runs in the thin mile-high air, three by each team – including two by Rockies shortstop Trevor Story, good for 5 runs batted in off of Giants starter Madison Bumgarner. (In the photo, Story hits this first-inning pitch from Bumgarner into the left-field seats.)

But it almost wasn’t enough.

In the top of the eighth inning, the Giants did something I’d never seen before: They hit back-to-back pinch-hit home runs to turn a 7-5 deficit into an 8-7 Giants lead.

In the bottom of the eighth, Rockies pinch-hitter Noel Cuevas hit a two-run single to give the Rockies the lead again. After closer Wade Davis struck out the side in the ninth, the Rockies won, 9-8.

Thrilling game.

Denver Botanic Gardens

A couple of days later, we visited the Denver Botanic Gardens, which we had done once before. It’s beautiful. It’s nestled on 24 acres between an upscale neighborhood, a park and apartment buildings. It’s a peaceful, soothing place to enjoy nature and see plants from around the world.

We closed our vacation by watching our son play in an Ultimate Frisbee tournament. That’s one of his passions, and he’s very good at it.

We are thankful for family and God’s creation, both of which we enjoyed on this trip.