The Bible offers no good role models for dads. It talks about the duties of husbands and fathers, but it offers no examples of how to do those duties well.
When I get to heaven, I will ask God about that.
We see plenty of examples of men failing. Adam failing Eve in the garden of Eden – right from the start. Isaac and Jacob playing favorites with their sons. Saul defending his son Jonathan, but in an unhealthy way. Even Joseph, Jesus’ earthly father, disappears, at least in Scripture, after Jesus’ toddler years.
The stories of most men in the Bible don’t involve their families at all (or as side notes), except occasionally in lists of genealogies.
Perhaps this is a major reason why men do not fulfill their societal roles well. What are those roles, anyway?
We are to provide for our families, certainly. We are to work.
For most of our time on Earth, men have taught their sons a trade, passing down the family business – farming, blacksmithing, whatever. It hasn’t been that long in human history since we’ve gone away to college or trade school to pursue our own interests.
How do we treat the women and children in our lives? “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25)
What does that mean?
When Christ “gave himself up” for the church, that means he died on the cross for her. He gave everything, including his life.
I fall far short of that standard in my own marriage.
To listen to women speak, many of us forsake the women in our lives, or worse. They speak of being abused. Fondled as children. Raped. Paid less in the workplace. Ogled. Abandoned when pregnant.
And how do we interact with our offspring? I know far too many children and teenagers who have no father in their lives. I’ve heard stories of abusive fathers and husbands.
I imagine most, if not all, of us know such men.
And women.
Where, then, do we turn for positive role models?
And how do we love well those who have been abused and taken advantage of?
It’s no wonder women are angry.
We men are to love our wives and discipline but not anger our children.
How many men actually do this?
I believe that most of today’s social struggles are a direct result of the breakdown of the nuclear family. Adam and Eve screwed it up from the get-go. Yet no human has ever figured out a better way to raise a family or get along with each other.
Men and women are wired differently. We see life through different lenses. When men try to become women or women try to become men, they are denying their God-given uniqueness as a man or as a woman. To women: Is a man truly worth emulating? Seriously?
As men, we are supposed to lead our families well. When we don’t, women have to fill the void, whether they want to or not. Many do it admirably.
But they shouldn’t have to. The only reason they do is because we men have failed to fulfill our roles in the family, and in society.
We substitute drugs or sex or fast cars or video games or just plain laziness for doing what we’re supposed to do. We live for ourselves first.
Am I the only one who struggles with low self-esteem? I wonder if we do those things to hide our true feelings and our shortcomings. We don’t measure up.
We aren’t good enough. Women deserve better, and we don’t know how to give it to them.
We’ve never been taught. We’ve seen very few living examples of how men succeed in society.
Does success mean a big bank account? I don’t think so. Money means power, but money also corrupts.
So does power.
Perhaps monogamy leads to a successful relationship. It helps. But we can take each other for granted, if that’s the ultimate goal.
Raising children offers a good purpose in life for many couples. It’s not easy. There are books on how to do it well, but there are no prerequisites. And children have minds of their own. We can shape them, especially when they are young. When they are older, hopefully they will have learned the lessons that we wanted them to learn. It’s not a guarantee, though.
Men, especially white men, often won’t get involved in a project unless they lead it. They won’t let women or minorities lead them. Perhaps this is done unconsciously, but it’s true nonetheless. I discovered this at an inner-city conference I attended several years ago in Chicago.
When Christ “gave himself up” for the church, that means he submitted to the church. He put the church’s needs ahead of his own.
There are times we need to swallow our pride and let someone else lead us. Minorities and women have the gift of leadership, too.
The church I attend calls this “servant leadership.” It’s a good model.
But it’s not often practiced. Even in church.
As a man, how well do I serve the women in my life? Not nearly well enough.
It’s no wonder women are disappointed, and worse, with us.
We haven’t earned their respect.
We blame them when they act out. When they demand women’s rights.
They shouldn’t have to rally and fight for women’s rights. We, as men, should just give it to them.
Because they deserve it.
If we did that, they might even give us the things we want and need from them, instead of us trying to take them forcefully.
Don’t ask me, though. I haven’t figured out how to do that yet.
the liberal conservative 